Let me tell you why I'm okay with being single, why I haven't gone out on dates, why I'm still friends with my ex and why despite all this, I consider myself as someone who's moved on.
You see, the rest of the world commonly thinks that when a couple breaks up, there's a third party. Or that exes can never be friends. Or that as long as you're still single, you haven't moved on yet.
Well, you're wrong. And let me prove it to you.
My ex and I broke up because our relationship became less of lovers but more of friends. It was hard to accept and understand that the "great romantic love" we once had was reduced to the both of us becoming just friends. I was reduced to a friend from being the girlfriend. In all honesty, I had a hard time especially in the first 4 months. I questioned a lot of things, I looked for hope in all corners, I was looking for someone, something to blame. I didn't want to go down the self-pity road (though I had, probably once or twice).
We're friends, yes. We're the same two people albeit without the romantic aspect. We don't talk everyday anymore. We don't hold hands. We're just two people who interact and occasionally ask each other out to dinner or to a movie when there's nobody else available. Why we're still friends puzzle a lot of people. You see, something happened that's a big challenge to both of our lives (and that's not my story to tell) and as friends, we're here to support each other through those difficult times. Like normal friends do. And I guess a big factor why we are friends is that when you love someone as a person and not as someone who you need romantically, or you want sexually or superficially, that kind of love lasts. Love isn't just romantic or sexual. Real love is when you love a person without ever expecting anything back. Real love does not demand. And love evolves. From a romantic type of love, it evolves to a deeper kind of love for a person. And I guess you can say that you genuinely love a person when you become genuinely happy for him even when he's in love with someone else. And once you've distinguished being in love to loving a person, then I guess you can consider yourself okay and that's when you can finally move on.
When I talk about my ex or bring him up in a conversation like it's the most casual thing, what people don't understand is that 4 years and 5 months is a long time. Of course, for a great part of my grown-up life, I shared experiences with him. I shared plans, I shared point-of-views, I shared my life. And unless it's been a while and I've gained new experiences on top of what I experienced with him, he'll still come up in conversations. It's like a Facebook timeline: Unless new photos and posts are tagged on your timeline, your old posts are still visible when you scroll down. And for me, casually mentioning an ex without any hint of bitterness is something that's brave and is proof you're already okay.
And the fact that I don't date isn't because I still want him, or that I look for him in other people. I'm single because it's my choice. I've just started to appreciate and adjust to being single. I haven't been single in a while and being single in high school was definitely different from being single in your early 20s.
And I'm not ready yet. I'm not ready to make small talk, have pointless conversations over overpriced meals. I'm not ready to kiss, hold hands and make-out with another person. I'm not ready to bring down my walls and open up to people. Anyone who knows me knows that I'm sarcastic, I'm a skeptic, I'm anxious, I'm a critic and if I don't like something (or someone) I don't like it. I'm not ready to disappoint people. I'm not ready to go out with someone and give a small hope to that person and let him down in the end because I don't like him. I'm not ready to lose people by avoiding them on the streets or seen-zone them just because I don't like them back. I'm just not desperate to have someone or anyone just to feel loved. I've learned that happiness does not depend on you having a man to fulfill you as a woman.
I'm only 23 and there's a whole world out there waiting to be discovered. I'm single. I'm not yet ready. And you know what? It's okay.
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