The fears that keep us awake at night.

It's the middle of the night and you are feeling the beginnings of a headache coming caused by forcing your eyelids to close and ordering your brain to shut down all activity. Well, that, and except for the things that keep you alive like breathing. And there's only one thing on your mind bothering you and playing around with your imagination over and over again. It's the fear that's eating you up inside, swallowing your insides and you know it'll eventually swallow you whole if you don't try to stop it. Or at least stop thinking about it. It's the thing that keeps you up at night. It's the big, bad fear.

What am I afraid of, you ask? A lot of things. But the thing eating me up every time is the question, "Is there someone else?".
I am afraid.
I am afraid of being left behind.
Of being fooled.
Of being replaced especially by some girl who you know does not deserve your rightful place.
I am afraid that one day he'll eventually tell me the words that I have been dreading of for a long time now. And I am afraid that the time has almost come.

A woman has extremely good instincts. There's a fidelity radar in their hearts that scream out even as we try to drown it with our own words in an attempt to convince our tormented hearts that there is no one else. But still, there's that little voice in us telling us that you have to look back and think of all the moments he said he's busy, he said he's doing something you don't know what and the moments when he's an hour late with little explanation. When he said you should go home early, when he doesn't show up or even text or even attempt to make a teeny bit of effort to show that, "Hello? You still have a boyfriend!" The moments when you ask yourself if you actually feel that you are in a relationship. The moments that you tried to brush off because you cannot possibly accept the fact that maybe he is cheating. That maybe he doesn't want you anymore. Oh, the doubts that creep inside of your head and makes it way to your heart, slowly crushing it.

It sucks beacuse you can't even speak out.
You can't say a word.
You want to ask if there is indeed someone else.
You want to ask if he still loves you. But you don't want to seem weak.

And the worst part is, you can't even sleep at night.