I have always wanted to be a "Big City Girl". You know, the ones in posh outfits walking the streets with a haute look on their faces, a Starbucks in one hand and a handbag in another. But alas, I am here alone in Manila, with nothing to do but sit on my butt and wait for a call from the company that promised to give me another interview.
Actually, it's alright to be in the city. It's just not alright to come here and find out I'll be alone, without anyone to show me around. I desperately wanted to be back home in Legazpi, to be back in Naga with J.
The thing is, I was never given time to adjust. It feels like I was an ice cube dropped in hot water. Sana hinatid ako ni Mommy. I wish I was showed around. I wish I was given enough time to figure out what to do, where to go. Don't get me wrong, I am used to being independent, to taking care of myself. I have a good sense of direction and I don't have a fear of getting lost. I love the city life. But this time, everything feels different. Because there's no other place to feel more alone than be in a city so big, with a lot of people who have unfamiliar faces, different accents, and unknown names. And everything just seems so big when you are feeling so small.
Living in a place near a prestigious school with girls who all seem to wear skirts and have white skins, and boys looking mayabang and all, I feel like I am shrinking into the pavement - the feeling of belonging lost in their snooty faces. I feel like I was younger than most of them, when they are the students and I am the graduate, the unemployed.
Because amidst all the chaos the city brings, I've come to realized that deep inside, I am still a probinsyana by heart. And a proud Bikolana at that.
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| Feeling so small. Still, here's a smile to make everything better. ♥ |
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